happy new years! i intended to make a post at the turn of the year but time has escaped me quite a bit.
i spent a lot of time reflecting during the last few days of 2025 and first week or so of this month. i still am, but i was thinking extensively in terms of my goals and shortcomings. i actually managed to find my resolutions bingo list from 2025 and laughed when i looked over it and realized how little i could actually cross out. i laughed because yes, it did sting. but i dont feel particularly upset about the fact. i dont think a person that is drowning in the sea is in any place to worry about anything other than desperately trying to breathe in air to survive. i honestly still dont have a goals list for this year (not that i'm required to have one) but one thing i immediately resolved to get scheduled was my starter locs appointment ive been wanting for a very long time. i also want to try to create a vn this year. even just a tiny one. it would make me very happy.
despite not meeting those goals, i do know i have accomplished a great deal in terms of my personal growth and happiness. i was miserable because i was trying to convince myself that being hateful was a good and righteous thing even if it made me feel sick. i am at my happiest when i am near someone and when i am creating something. i love to harness my creation magic. i am making peace with constantly feeling like an outsider. i dont think its a healthy way of thinking, but i also don't think its a bad thing to be that way. i like to meet people and you can only do so if you wander and look around. and i like that each individual tie sown with another living being is so explosive and remarkable. the strings dont have to be all interconnected, though i really do miss having a circle of knots, a little family friend home to always return to...
when i think of the people i love and the people i have yet to meet, i cant help but to think of this song.
im thinking of making a separate section or thread on this blog to reflect more on the media i go through this year. so far ive finished watanare, caught up with pluribus and played a couple vns. im still looking for employment, but a very sweet friend helped me reach out to an old workplace and i have some hopes about that. but im worried my creative drive will die out if i take such a job again...but i was really happy to hear that people missed me and would be happy to have me around again.
this year ill continue creating and being kind.
i got my pc back this weekend which means i can finally play more games and work on more intensive creative projects. 😊 yahoo! ive been anticipating this for almost half a year. its been sitting in storage ever since i moved back to my family home in the summer due to a breakup. i was only able to bring it back now after finally securing a room for myself, something ive been wanting for years. ive been sleeping on a couch since i came back. couches are not good for backs. but now i have a soft bed that im very very very happy with. my desk is gradually becoming full of critters again. so much delight!
i dont believe this a common experience (at least with those who do not share a similar socioeconomic status as i), but i have shared rooms with someone else for almost my entire life, whether that be with family or with roommates. the few times i have gotten a room have been due to a family death or college, and both have been temporary. so while this change honestly does feel strange, it is a very welcomed change. i really value my privacy and i do not think i really enjoy sharing a room with others, despite being really used to it.
admittedly i have been having issues with deciding what to do because theres suddenly a wide breadth of things i can do or play now...its hard to be indulgent with a myriad of options. i missed being able to cheese bosses and wander around in elden ring and immediately jumped at the chance to do so, but theres also a LOT of other titles i need to get to! id really like to start playing ffxi again and start second life...i was finally able to begin unbeatable and of the devil. the tension between beat and clef is funny and i would like for them to kiss about it. penny can watch.
outside of my pc, there are two other recent events that given me a lot of joy. recently i found out that rica takashima, author of rica'tte kanji (the first yuri manga published in english) was having a badge making + manga giveaway event in my city. i discovered her work when i read by your side: the first 100 years of yuri anime and manga a few years ago, and i really admired how cute and colorful her style was. meeting her and her family was truly such a sweet experience. ;__; it really feels like magic when i get along with strangers. i gifted the badge i made to her and she gave me a couple of hers in return. she was so overjoyed and i felt so so lucky!
the other event was seeing lustsickpuppy live in-person at a fundraiser for the first time, and honestly i think i can get over everything terrible thats happened to me this year just for this. i discovered her music this year while i was having a really hard time post-breakup, so its really meaningful that i can close this year by hearing her perform live. catharsis. also almost getting caught in a mosh pit was scary but honestly delightful. one day ill participate in one. people are fun.
lastly, i think im obligated to mention the blanksword demo since ive been rotating it in my mind lately. i wasn't expecting to like it as much as i did! its a roguelike rpg, something i usually dont play, starring an amnesiac angel named blank who is trying to get his brain back after an attempted assassination. all the characters are super lovable. i really enjoy how characters treat blank or expect him to act despite blank not remembering who he is and generally being a sad confused wet cat now. im especially fond of the game's ost and how addictive the turn-based combat is, but overall i think its a well-rounded experience and more people should give it a try.
also there is angel of waste disposal. you will love angel of waste disposal.
i hope you have a lovely holiday! thank you for reading! 🧣🧸🎀🎄